I like my Struggle like I like my Wine!

The Struggle is Part of Our Story

We had a saying within the Marriage and Family Therapy program and you could hear someone saying it almost daily. 

“The Struggle is Real”

The struggle of grad school mixed with the emotional charge of growing our therapy legs was unarguable and real.  Naturally it appeared differently, we found relief differently, but we all knew the struggle. 

The struggle of the program came in waves.  It began by wrestling with words like isomorphic and learning systems theory, transitioning into application of words and theory, to sitting in a room with an actual human being.  There is a short time of illusion.  You don’t feel as uncomfortable, therapy is moving in a Willy Wonka elevator type way, and you know coffee is always an option.  Then the time comes to think about life outside of grad school, and then the worst thing that could happen, happens.  You actually have to say Good Bye.

The Struggle has always been apart of our story. 

I consider myself a realist.  My ego needs to believe it has some concept of what is to come.  How that plays out in my life now, looks very differently than it did 6, 4, or even 2 years ago.  Reality is actually quite hard to predict but something that will always exist is struggle. 

John 17:14-15

“I have given them your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.  I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one.”

There are many verses in the Bible that can provide comfort during times of struggle but these two, from my perspective, are our reality.  I have seen other Christians utilize these verses as a soapbox about Christian persecution (think Kim Davis and then stop thinking about her) but I like to widen them out a bit. Religious or not, truth is truth.

As we grow in our faith, knowledge, compassion, patience, kindness, etc. we experience those who will challenge us and make us feel different or alone.  “Not of this world or hated”

As difficult as feeling alone or hated can be we aren’t being rescued, “I do not ask you to take them out of the world”.  Instead we are, in a since, being warned. 

The struggle is real and will continue to be for our entire lives.  So then the question becomes what to do with what you know?  What do we do with our struggles?  Like most BIG questions these have limitless answers.

It’s difficult to talk about what to do with struggle without being heard as shaming.  I realize the depths of depression, the reality of chemical imbalances, and that struggle is way more complicated than one conscious choice to do something different.  Emotions are not logical.  That’s why I try not to offer answers.  There is a billion dollar self-help industry out there for that.  However, if you are like me, the best way to grow is from experience.

I remember the first time I realized, I mean really knew, life wasn’t cake.  So I want to be sensitive to those that are in the beginning or middle of this. It is one thing to be told and another thing entirely to be experienced.  Right now I believe I am experiencing a new middle, a reminder of how struggle can randomly appear in your life, even when you’ve done everything “right”.

I am not one to say, God will only give you what you can handle, or talk about Karma, or everything working out for the greater good.  I will say that life is terrible and funny in a dry dark comedy sort of way. And that struggle isn’t for nothing.  And the struggle is real. 

I feel a trend occurring in how I end my blogs but this will never be said too much.

Be kind to yourselves as to others as you walk on this earth. 

Blessings.

Beloved and Sucky

The difference between what you spirit,

or your soul, or your cells know or remember,

is different than what you are taught or told.

-Carlton Pearson-

Carlton Pearson is a preacher that began the Higher Dimensions Family Church in Tulsa Oklahoma in the 90’s.  The church reached a member ship of over 5,000 but that began to change when Pearson started preaching the Gospel of Inclusion. 

Quickly defined:

The Gospel of Inclusion is the exciting and liberating news that in the finished work of the cross, Jesus redeemed the entire world to God from the cosmic and organic sin imposed upon it by Adam, the original man. In effect, the world is already saved, they just don't know it; and, unfortunately, most Christians don't believe it.

Agree or disagree, that isn’t the point.  I am fascinated by this man’s story. 

The first time I heard Pearson speak was in an interview with Rob Bell.  He tells this story of going to a county fair, where he and a few others had come to witness.  After a while Pearson tells his group to start saying, “Do you know that if you die tonight you are going to heaven?”  Upon hearing this my eyes widened, my thoughts froze, and I just had to sit with it for a while. 

REWIND: A couple weeks before I had listened to a short Rob Bell sermon on the parable of the Prodigal Son.  In the sermon he talks about how the Father’s role is to tell his son’s who they are.  One son demands his inheritance, squanders it, and then decides to return home once he realizes the error of his ways.  Along the way he rehearses in his head what he will tell his Father, “I am no longer worthy to be called your son”.  Yet the Father sees him, embraces him, clothes him, has the fatten calf killed, and calls him son.  Then we know what happens with the other son.  He sees what the Father is doing and begins to proclaim THIS IS UNFAIR! (I’m paraphrasing).  To which the Father replies, “You are always with me and everything I have is yours.” 

Rob Bell goes on to say that one of the lessons layered in this story is the power of telling people who they are, regardless of how they have behaved or are behaving. 

So we are back with Pastor Pearson running around in the fairgrounds telling strangers they are going to heaven.  What is valuable about his actions is his attempt at speaking to the soul.  For there is literally nothing more powerful than knowing you are loved in spite of yourself.  And speaking it into the life of another human being will in fact create a difference.  Even if that difference is giving a stranger a good story.  We simply cannot forget radical experiences.

My Mother has always said, “love people where they are”. 

Insert meme of Jesus speaking to the crowd.  “But what if they are gay, What if they have a different religion, What if they are annoying and smell bad, What if they are a hipster, What if they are an ultraconservative bible thumper, What if they just generally suck?!?!?!”

Well I hate to say this but we all generally suck. 

Yet we are all much much more than that. 

However you label it.

Blessings.

It ain’t Over till it’s Over

The source from which Yogiisms began has passed on.  No I am not a sports fan.  I will however endlessly appreciate Yogi Berra’s paradoxical wisdom and how he so easily quipped them into existence. 

I appreciate a good story. 

I can only imagine the unfolding of Berra’s whole life.  Though I don’t intellectually know much about him, I can assume a lot based on the amount of his passion.  He dedicated the majority of his life to playing, managing, or writing about baseball. Yet to say his existence was somehow without suffering would be an understatement.  A man doesn’t get wise without some level of suffering and I would also add that a man doesn’t stay passionate if things are too easy.  Again, I am assuming or maybe a better way to say it is that I know without knowing. 

Another good story.

I recently read, “Heart of Darkness” by Joseph Conrad, in the book he describes his experiences (through the character Marlow) while on the Congo River in Africa.  What brought me to this particular story was an episode of “Parts Unknown” where Anthony Bourdain travels on the Congo River.  He does this because of his admiration for the book, “Heart of Darkness”.  During the episode he quotes Conrad by saying,

“It is written I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice.”

I mean, did you read that? ^  Not just read it but REALLY read it.  Let that sentence stir around in your gray matter and sink into your central nervous system for a hot minute or thirty. 

I read this and instantly thought of marriage.  If you are taking the time to read this blog more than likely you already know I’ve been married once before, if you didn’t SURPRISE!  My first marriage was to this hilarious overly animated man whom I was IN LOVE with.  In my ignorance, I believed, NO knew, my marriage was going to be great because (I) loved him.  But then reality sets in and bad days, stormy days, down right shitty days come and you don’t feel that LOVE any longer. 

I didn’t know that marriage could be a nightmare. 

(Side note: If you are experiencing abuse in your relationship/marriage that’s a night terror and I would never suggest loyalty in such a situation)

Almost two years ago I married again but this time I knew, this ain’t no cake walk.  Anything we commit to for better or worse will naturally follow a system of ups and downs.  Your job, being a parent, college, relocating, mission work, etc.  Are all things that require a form of commitment or loyalty (rightly so) and all things that have the capacity to cast darkness on our lives. 

I’m not writing this to offer a solution because there isn’t one.  I’m writing this because maybe you are like me and maybe you didn’t realize until later that life is a struggle.  It just plain ol sucks.  Yeah Yeah, its also beautiful and full of wonder, imagination, and endless episodes of House.  Trust me I can release sunshine from my eyeballs with the best of them, but we all have to deal with our chosen nightmares. 

The Bible addresses suffering numerous times.  This isn’t an accident, more of a reminder that suffering is going to happen.  So the question becomes what do you do with it?  And that is a question that has endless answers.  At the path of choice is when we start experiencing the most division and judgment.  So what I want to end with is this.  Remember to be good to each other and to yourselves.  Though we all choose to handle our nightmares or night terrors differently we all have them.  Thus we are united in suffering. 

Blessings

I'm a pacifist. But I'm passionate about it.

When I began this blog (three some odd years ago), I was asked by many of my friends about the name.  By the way, I hate to disappoint anyone if they expected the use of correct grammar or proper spelling because it twon’t be here and really the issue is your expectations.  –smirk-   ANY WHO, the name.  Sister Elephantine was sort of my own version of big sister.  Not sister in the biological meaning of the word but in the spiritual.  Elephantine, you can consult the Googler but basically it means resembling the characteristics of an elephant, such as being large, clumsy, and awkward.  Originally I intended to use this space to exabitionize (I’m certain that’s a word) my journey into healthier living.  Over the past few years my view of what “healthier living” is has become more systemic and thus more complicated.  I said this in my introduction (the words by the picture of myself looking super therapeutic) but it is worth saying again.  The past two years of my life have been spent unlearning everything I thought I knew just to learn it again, but experience it differently.  Thus, Sister Elephantine is a name I selected years ago to represent me.  Though I have a different relationship with the name now it still suites me rather well. 

So today I felt like blogging. 

Today my ego told me a little louder that I have something to say and maybe I should start saying it.  However, my ego might be an unwashed stoner sitting on a couch dipping crackers in ranch dressing and endlessly watching robot chicken.  I’m not sure exactly what it is I have to say specifically or add to what is being said.  Yet, I’m going to give it a chance.  I’m sure we can all agree there is a lot of pointless harmful chatter floating around our heads and seeping into our hearts.  I sincerely don’t want to add to the chatter.  Yet, undoubtedly I have already in some way by simply submitting to my ego and posting this publically. 

My hope is however, that this -add to- will be a good one. 

Lets say things better.   

Blessings.